For The Holidays: Me

A wish list shouldn't be made out of the same materialistic monotony so many make year after year. Rather, a wish list should be created out of a grandeur beyond things you feel too vain to go out and spend your own money on. My wish list lies somewhere between beauty pageant hopes of utilitarianism, (It's a post Kim Jong Il world, y'all!) and more courage in my quest of reaping the benefits of tasteful, shameless self-promotion. Now, I know that may seem like a tall order, but sip away at this cocktail and I'm sure you'll find my intentions are pure and simple.

Ever find yourself at a loss as to how you can make a difference in people's lives?

Not me.

In fact, I have found that by being myself (some of the best advice I've gotten), I can make friends, find success, and go beyond my wildest dreams. Well, I haven't found that last part yet, but the potential is potent. For those that don't know me... put me on your wish list.

There's a lot to me that probably no one person realizes. I have a smart side, a goof side, a party side, a let's get things done side, a dumb side, a "I feel fat" side, a "I've never felt better" side, an annoying side, a nerd-out side, a dork-out side, a hermit side, a passionate side, a idgaf side, an insecure side, and a side or two that I probably don't even realize are there. So, looks like we're on the same page.

What more could this Johnny, John, JohnnyBrison, Johnny B., Johntacular, Clark Kent, Superboy, Chooran, JohnnyCocaine, ,JohnJohn, have in store for everyone!?!?!!? It's anyone's guess, you see.

You surely know of my blog here, but do you know of my other blogs and blog-style sites!?!?! I do keep them separate as I have found that each carries a different vibe that I feel necessary to keep apart from one another. Yet, I am finding myself with a certain yearning to show people more of who I am. It's nothing personal, but I choose to not share a lot of my other interests because I don't think there will be a certain level of understanding or respect for me ... wait... yeah that's called feeling insecure.

I was a rather quiet young person. Insecure? Definitely. Nowadays, I really enjoy socializing and finding new ways to relate to different people. It's a realization that this life is all that I can be certain of and there cannot be any time that I feel I am wasting it. What I like to do with my time is not what you might like to do, but we're here to be different and me putting more of myself out there for you all, though it may seem risky, is something I want to do.

That being said, if you search "JohnnyBrison" on Google you might find more of me than you may expect. But instead of you all taking the time to do all of that, I thought I might as well drop you some links and a brief description of each as I see them. You can click, enjoy, follow, subscribe, join me, forget me, laugh, make fun of, shrug, fall in love with, or do anything you choose to do with the following links. Not my problem.

Blogger ... oh yeah; where you're reading this.

• Twitter ... this is where I follow cyclists and friends that have taken up twitter. I am reserved, but open to the point that I will tweet drunk and it is what it is.
• Tumblr #1 ... scroll through and click to see more... scroll through and click to see more. This is my passion of cycling manifested through pictures, words, ideas, and the internet. Tumblr allows me to experience and understand more about the sport of cycling that I love. This blog will dive into a few personal thoughts of mine that I keep from other outlets on the internet, but you see... this one has a theme.
• Tumblr #2 ... now, this one may blow your mind a bit. I have only shown this to a few select people. I am one that appreciates a lot that goes on in this world and have no other way of adequately showing it or cultivating it until tumblr. This tumblr blog has more vanity to it than I will ordinarily express, but life is short and I will not ignore my appreciation of what I see as beauty, inspiration, and what I sometimes don't understand.
• Youtube #1 ... some of you may have seen these videos before, but here you are. I hope to have more on the way, but my time for video making has been sent in another direction, though I do not want this one to pass away.
• Youtube #2 ... some of you may know about this collaboration, but I'm very happy to be a part of it. I hope you subscribe and enjoy more of these that we will be making! 
• Vimeo ... it's kind of the same as my youtube#1 account.
• LookBook/Chictopia... full disclosure, people. Yes, I have profiles in each, but I'm no longer updating them, and I am allowing those to pass, though I do sometimes find some inspiration there.

Wow, that was more than I anticipated. Feel free to do what you will with this information. And again, feel free to Google "JohnnyBrison" to see what you're missing in life. I hope that I haven't offended, scared, scarred, or somehow lost anyone with all of this about me. I'm not trying to beat you over the head about me, but please remember that this blog is more for me than it will ever be for you.* Don't take it personally, just know that it's personal... to me... so, me talking more about me is my way of allowing myself to drop the insecurities and know that there is not a thing to be afraid of when I feel like expressing more of who I am. It's like a "I don't want to wast any more time feeling like I have things to hide."

Thank you for reading. If you clicked on one or more of those links, I am forever grateful. I'm nothing special,  just someone that knows I can get away with a lot. If you have any questions... never hesitate to ask me at johnnybrison@gmail.com . I'm getting sleepy and I look forward to tomorrow and the holidays ahead. J. Crew is a little craycray, but I'm enjoying it.

* I really don't expect this post to cause much of a stir.

Off-Season '11 Thoughts and Possibilities

I wonder where writing might take me. Sure, I enjoy spilling out whatever comes to my head on here and other various medias that many don't know about, (nothing weird, just my more ways to not annoy everyone; like dividing through different ways of expressing all the things I enjoy) but I'd really enjoy making a bigger impact with what I am capable of writing. That is to say, I really do keep myself in check here and branching out or expanding it would be liberating. I want a creative project; something to put some impassioned effort into. You know, the kind that burns the night oil.

When I was making those videos (#1 & #2) for IUP's cycling club, I really had a lot of fun with them and put a lot of time and effort into them. I love that perfectionistic side of me that comes out in such instances. It really does have an impact on me that I want to get after.

This is going to be a long off-season and I want to make the best of it. At this point, I am looking to get work and though I may find some, I need to keep on top of not only my fitness, but also things that keep me enjoying life outside of cycling and striving to keep creative and pushing myself.

At this point, I think I will merely leave it at this and ponder accordingly. I'm excited to explore possibilities, but who knows what will come of this idea, if anything. (This next section you may choose to read might indeed spark that something.)

Anyway, I filled out and turned in an application to work at J. Crew today in Tysons Galleria in McLean, VA as a sales associate. Upon turning in the application that I was able to fill in at the Betsey Johnson store where a good, newly engaged friend of mine works, the initial interview with the store manager went well and, according to her, I should be having a follow-up meeting with the store director early next week while they put through my background check. I don't imagine it will be an easy job, but I was eager to point out that I was hoping to get as many hours as I could before, during and after the holiday season. I hope they are okay with a somewhat blank canvas as far as I go for selling clothes. Sure, I've had my experience in stores plenty of stores (ex gf much? amirightfellas?), and selling clothes does seem like something that I could become good at, (especially since I really like the clothes) but that'll be for them to decide. As much as I like shopping, I'm picky (some might say frugal) and never seem to have enough money to justify spending too much on clothes. However, I did drop a bit on a few J. Crew purchases investments last week. Apparently, since I can now fit into a size x-small button-up, I can take advantage of sales where others cannot and I totally showed that investment off for my first impression inside the store whilst dealing with that application. I'm rambling, but I'm excited about this prospect!

Yet, in my mind, this optimistic prospect is multifaceted for the following reasons:

• J. Crew is my favorite clothing brand,
• I enjoy clothes a lot, though I don't have enough to justify that claim,
• I need work and money from exchanging my time for that work -  redundant (this probably should have been on top of the list),
• I will have more opportunities to be social this way; new people to meet, be around, and maybe hang out with,
• If I'm going to work retail... this would be my first choice (oh yes, more so than a bike shop),
• I do enjoy fashion with a hope that I can dip myself into it with my own style (I have my opinions on what you wear),
• Employee discount, and
• It'll be a new experience.

And with new experiences come new opportunity. In my wildest dreams... I am successful in more ways than I can allow myself to share here. This job might not be a fit for me, but I'm going to give it a try if they give me a try.  And you know what... it's not lost on me that I could enjoy this job and find success. Being around clothes that I really like might lead to me accepting some of the days that will be tough, but really... I'm not finding it hard to be optimistic about this. I'm thinking there will be enough time for them to train me and get me ready for this holiday season and the craziness that will ensue. I know I lack some of that experience, but I'm young, impressionable, I've graduated college, and I kind of really want to be in that mix. Bring it on, Black Friday shoppers.

They have to hire me for any of this to make much sense. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for reading.

Keeping Touch

Tonight is the night that Hurricane Irene is making herself felt along the east coast of the US. It's now just after 11pm and the news is telling us that, at least for the DC area, the worst of the storm is on our doorstep leaving only hours and hours of rain to fall. We lost power for maybe about an hour and I certainly expected it to remain out for longer, but I guess we hit some luck ad I know others have lost theirs and will not regain it for some time. Bummer.

I was expecting all of this to be worse, but that's what one will get when they pay too much attention to the fanatical new channels. Ratings are one thing they are after and as I surf the tv channels, I am entirely unamused by coverage from anchors risking it all reporting from boardwalks to a wedding that will understandably not fall victim to this tropical plague. Beyond taking time to reflect on this storm, I've had some time this weekend to tend to other things and have some time to think. Interested?

Been losing weight too.

This summer has put me in some perspective that I cannot complain about and refuse to drift to any "what-ifs." As an admitted realist, (whatever that means) I cannot accept much more than what is in front of me. I am a lucky kid able to live with my parents as the search for a job continues. I have a dog that love me unconditionally and a bike that refuses to give up on me through any personal obstacles or whatever else I put myself through. My summer have been full of bike riding, though with a few bumps on that road, and I am looking forward to next season and how my form will be improved. Similarly, I have met a lot of new people and friends through my bike this summer and am certainly looking forward to continuing and growing those relationships into next year. Though nothing substantial has materialized in the job search, I am optimistic about it all and will not allow myself to worry. Yet.

Wow. At this hour, there are more than 70,000 people without power in Virginia due to Irene. I am counting my blessings. Still.

Sweet Sally doesn't like storms.

Has anyone else been reading this summer? I've rad a few good books. Namely, I have gotten into author Stieg Larsson's trilogy series of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. I have just finished the second book and am reading Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho while I wait for the last of Larsson's trilogy to arrive from AbeBooks. I am falling in love with reading. It helps me keep away from the computer screen and occupy my time in that unique way books seem to do. You know.

I'm still channel surfing and though all the experts are weighing in and analysis of Irene's path continues, it seems DC is politely ushering our tropical guest northward. Pleasantly underwhelmed.

I got a call this week from a temp/temp-to-hire agency and will be meeting with a pleasant sounding employee of theirs to help me find some work in the next week or two. I'm excited at the prospect of the opportunity, and am thinking some temporary temp work could do me some good. I have  not worked in an office environment and the hook-ups I'm likely to get from this agency will give me that needed experience before I am tossed into it all at once. I can't imagine it being very difficult, (uhm... there are a lot of people in the office work life) but I'm just trying to make the best of this situation. Realistic?

I'm now being distracted by international track and field competitions on NBC's Universal Sports and am realizing that this rant should come to an end soon. I intend to ride with teammates and local riders tomorrow after the rain stops (at the latest) around noon (so predict those ever-vigilant meteorologists). I ended up riding on my trainer today and played xbox while I did for an hour and a half until the power cut out. I guess I could have kept going, but my bum hurt, (from sitting up and having more weight on it than usual for sure) and seeing my time on the bike was a minute past the hour and a half mark, I thought it fair to stop. Thinking about it, I probably should have kept going. My mom made chocolate chip cookies and my weakness for those was much worse than this Irene situation. Can't complain.

Thanks for reading this idiocy. Really.

Pushes

I hesitate to say that these next two weekends are to be my last two pushes of this road season, but at least for this team, they will probably be the last, most important ones. The Tour of Page County and Tour of Millersberg will prove to be tough races for me. I can tell. I'm over racing weight and I am just not having the greatest half to the racing season I would have hoped to. Not gonna lie and say it hasn't gotten my spirits down a bit, but that's all what it is. Nothing is gonna keep me off the bike and I'm still gonna race and ride my hardest. There is always next year and I intend to continue improvement.

But let's keep things in the moment for now. I rode the Arlington "hills ride" for the first time last week and though it was not entirely the hills ride in its entirety, I got a damn good taste and will hopefully have some fresher legs to work with tonight. Turns out my bike fits well in my Tiburon's trunk. As long as the seats are down, D2 is a happy bike.

I had everything I needed, last Wednesday, other than clean legs. They cramped on me, as I knew they would, half-way through the somewhat altered ride teammate Ed took me on. I was bummed, but with 31 miles logged on the work bike earlier in the day and a backyard mowed in between the rides, I didn't stand much of a chance to stay fresh the whole ride. Such is life, readers... at least, such is mine.

New shoes, helmet and glasses patiently waiting in traffic with me on our way to the ride.

Aforementioned contents patiently dealing with my exhausted toss of them to my car's floor.

With crampy legs and nearly being hit by a car ignoring the fact that she had just passed Ed and I while we were in the bike lane to her right as she was beginning to make a right turn, I had a good time and will be back to suffer a bit more. This isn't the only "hill" work that I've been up to though. If you must know. (I know you are) I have a Strava account and here is a link to one ride I did over the weekend. I found this little hill a few weeks ago. It was the one I was riding when my shifter broke. Anyway, this ride was a leg tester and I liked how they felt when I needed to push them.

Tonight should be fun and I hope to get another sunset to drive back home to. It's a bit cloudy and I might have to ride some other way if it's too bad/ annoying to drive and ride in.

thanks for reading. It's been a while, but there have been no races and nothing else to really report on as far as cycling goes. Gotta get right.

Losses and Some Consolation

That car engine fire has dropped my '03 Camry from the road. It happens and I will have to deal with buying a used or (with a slight possibility) new car. This situation I find myself in is why there is insurance. The total loss will not be without compensation for it and I am looking at options for my next investment.

Closer to my feelings is a loss on my bike. During a moderate hill repeat ride, my right-hand/ RD shifter broke on me. It was a little mechanism that kicks the parts under the hood around that either broke off or was just worn down. This comes as a crippling blow to my racing hopes for this weekend as I am missing the Tour de 'Toona and have to now replace the shifter. I will be contacting SRAM as soon as Monday after my dental appointment as the shifter should be under warranty. I should have called them last week, but there's nothing I can do about that now beyond being patient.

Those are the less than great things that have gone on in the past week. I have, however, found myself to be an award winning poet!

I wrote:

How many wins will

These boys take from the others?

Hold your breath, Paris.

And what do ya know?! HTC-Highroad liked mine the best out of over 150 entries! I was proud of it and fairly confident that it would be noticed when I wrote it, but to be enough for the win was a huge surprise and a welcome rush of accomplishment where it has been lacking elsewhere in my efforts.

You've all got yourselves a proper award winning writer/poet in front of you. (I'm milking this for all it's worth.)

More than I expected...

In all, I received Lezyne's HTC-Highroad Port-A-Shop kit with a bunch of sleek tools and useful stuff, an HTC-Highroad water bottle, an HTC-Highroad Tour of California t-shirt and, in a welcome "personal touch fashion," a nice postcard note from them! All I was expecting was the tool-kit! This was so mice to receive and kick my spirits up. I am going to keep this stuff for sure as possibly the closest I will get to professional cycling...

Anyway, I'm happy with the prize and I am happy to have the opportunity to look for a new (to me) car next week. It will turn into a hassle, I'm sure, but I'm not about to complain. I do hope SRAM honors the warranty and even if it takes a few more days for the process to get me that Rival shifter, the money saved will be more than worth it. You all know how it goes.

So, I'm sitting here sipping water out of my new bottle and I have to share how excited I am at a possible job connection that was extended to me through this cycling team I'm on. It's all in a preliminary stage at this point, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited and already dreaming about an apartment to call my own in Arlington, Va.

There are ups and downs in life. I am taking them as they come as best I can and am doing my best to keep my optimism up. Thanks for reading.

More Please

This past week has been pretty good for my cycling. At least I'm happy with how my training has gone and I have been given a taste of more group ride possibilities and people to ride with. On top of that, I attended a proper cycling get-together to watch the first stage of the Tour de France.

The Tour de France gets cyclists really excited. It's a spectacle. It's a dream. It's a bike race. Three weeks from now some phenomenal bike rider will be on the top step of the podium in Paris, France and we will all be talking about how they did it, how others lost it, and who will be back for vengeance, defiance, and glory. The excitement doesn't just stop at the riders. Let's not forget their bikes, jerseys, gear, and overall team appearance. Everything is examined and under the microscope of pro judgement. These teams are class and we amateurs are taking notes.

Philippe Gilbert, 2011 Belgian National Champion, on his way to win the first stage of this year's TDF.

But allow me to bring it back in a bit. I'm going to have my first race in over two weeks tomorrow on the 4th of July. I have strong, motivated teammates along side me and I am hoping to perform with them. I think any one of us can have a crack at a good result, but I believe it will come down to an in-race decision on who is feeling the best and how the race itself unfolds. My legs have been building well the past week and I hope I can be at least more useful in this event. I'm excited to be racing and I am happy to be in the mix again.

Some thing I was hoping for/expecting in the mail never came this week and I will be missing those tomorrow morning, but it all comes down to the rider and I really expect them to come next week in time for the next big weekend for me at the Tour de 'Toona. That will be a real test, but first thing's first.

I am still meeting and getting to know cyclists around the area. I am excited for every chance I get and am never disappointed. I think I got lucky in picking this group of riders to develop with and find it amazing how cycling brings not only us, but the world together. I'm gonna go ride.

There's a reason why he's my favorite.

Thanks for reading.

Should Post More

At least I feel like I should. Again, this blog is for me. Well, I don't mean to be too selfish, but that's the only way I can justify writing all this nonsense for people like me to read. Anything of interest is sort of on the "unnecessary" side of real life. Real life equalling stuff like:

• Family,
• Work,
• Friends, (I need to work on this)
• Money, (I still need a job lined up after the summer)
• Apartment (after I get that job lined up...)
• ... certainly some other things too.

Then cycling. But I'm not gonna lie to you. Right now, I really am hoping to keep cycling as close to the top as possible. I'll try to keep my head on straight, but if it could get a job that pays well that has to do with cycling, I might lose my mind.

I'm not about to complain about what I have now. That would be useless and who knows what is gonna happen in the future. I don't. You don't. Life is in the present.

I have realized that cycling is working its way into many aspects of my life. I mean first it started when I could see physical changed in my body physique after a few months of continuous riding when I first started... and if you know me, you'll know that that's all it took for me to be hooked. That's power. To change what I look like with something that I am enjoying more and more? Keep me on the list!

What I am meaning to get at is that cycling is a passion I have. I wouldn't say it's my only passion, but it's the most prominent right now. It is a driving force. I am trying desperately to have it stay that way. problem is... I have to live in this real world. I want to make a healthy living, I want to ride as much as I can, and I don't want either of those two things to clash. Maybe I'm being a tad short-sighted.

Let me step back. Okay. Uhm. This would be easier if I had some hindsight bais. My ignorance of the aforementioned future is a limiting factor here.

So I guess I will have to wing it. As long as I will try to apply for a job with some cycling company as some administrative support guy, I will also be applying to jobs in government agencies. I don't know where the fish will bite. I don't know how qualified I am or am not. I would hire me, but what do I know? My B.A. in international studies with that econ minor seems to perk people's ears for a gummint job, but I don't know where I fit. I don't feel like I fit.

Whoa whoa, John. Hold up. You did graduate. You are not an idiot. You can sort of write (at least for your own enjoyment). You know how to use the internet, share links, make videos, research, you know how to talk diplomatically and usually without bias. Okay. But they don't know that. My resume reflects the stuff on paper with a little out of ink, but again... they don't know me. 

Maybe what I need is an interview. They will get to see me, hear me talk, and hopefully find that I am able to learn and find interest in a lot of things. I hesitate to say "just about anything," because that would be a lie. There's a lot out there that I don't want to have anything to do with, but I guess I am in no position to be picky. On top of that, it's not like my phone is buzzing out of my pocket with potential employers anyway.

I really am wanting to get my life going, but as my dad has aptly put, "You're stuck." That I am, Dad. That. I. Am. So what's a 22 year old to do? Stop grumbling. Stop blogging. Stop dreaming. Start putting effort into that unknowable future. Four years at IUP was just a first step, John.

I mean, ideally I would like to have some work experience - preferably in a government agency that will pay will, give nice benefits, and allow me to still race and continually develop as a cyclist - and then go back to school for a masters - living the life as a hard(er) working student while still developing as a cyclist - to eventually make enough money to support others than myself and my cycling "development" (in quotes there as I don't know how many years I have left to be getting better and better at that point).

I have a sense of urgency and this is what is going through my head... The summer is waning and all I'm doing is whining... or ranting at least. Maybe I don't need to settle down into any career at this point, but I have to have a job after the summer. I need to make money and get an apartment for myself (if that job pays enough) or with some other kids. I am still young and I still want to meet other people my age. I need to get out. I need to enjoy my life. I need to get more fit. I need to harden up and get better at cycling. I need to destroy whatever is holding me back and work for what I want.

All those "needs." Sense of urgency.

You all should know I'm not trying to complain. It's my situation and I need to get through it. If anyone knows of any job opportunities for a multi-talented, quick learner, hard worker, diligent, likable, get-the-job-done type... I'm not all that picky. At least, I won't tell anyone I don't like the job. But I digress (about time, right?).

Life as I know it is all I know. I have hopes, fears, and really... not that many beers*. I really do enjoy this blog and writing for it needs to be more than about my racing (Where's The Podium?). I'm real with you all. I am really going to be in a pinch if I don't get a job lined up after the summer and all that I might have saved will go to paying meager bills and utter annoyance. Things might go sour for me and I really don't want that. But that's enough worrying. Worrying is for people with too much time to waste. That, I do not have. 

What I do have is a firm passion (among others), ambitions, drive, and as much common sense as I can muster. I thank you for reading this. I didn't think it would turn into me talking so much about job yearning, but it is what is largely on my mind. I would share some of the other stuff, but this is neither the time nor the place... and frankly, you're not the intended audience - sorry.

*no this was not some drunken rant - I have no time for that either... I'll let you know when I do.

Okay Kids...

Let's all look at how to not take a corner.

Taken immediately before my spill this is why I got what I will call a Cat-4-tat on my rear.

For the love of cycling agony, please do not ever take a corner like this. I know better and you all do too. My only possible explanation for this was a severe miscalculation on where I was in the turn and when I could start stamping on the pedals to drill back up that hill.

Thanks to Jor Taylor for snapping the pic for a lesson re-learned and her immediate concern for my well being rather than snapping any more photos of the actual spill. Though, I wouldn't have complained if she had taken more seeing how ridiculous I look here. How embarrassing.

Centuries Passed

I felt sick about getting dropped two weekends in a row. So I decided to do two +century rides in a row. Saturday was about 104 miles and Sunday was about 102 miles. This Memorial Day weekend worked out to be the perfect way for me to ride them with the actual Memorial Day off for rest, recovery, and a little relaxation. A teammate told me to not let the setback get to me and I agree - to a degree.

I realized that I must live with the set-backs as much as I have to live with any successes.

My mom had food waiting after my 102.5mile ride, Sunday. Thanks, Mom!

I want the very best out of myself and I know that I need to be better. I know how I say that... "I need to be better." But it's how I feel. I really feel like I have potential that only my mind says I cannot achieve. I don't care about the level of competition I am up against. I don't care that there are cyclists that will always be better than me. I know that and I am a realist. I just cannot allow myself to find any satisfaction in losing so terribly. I need to be better. I demand it.

I purchased a new wheelset this past week and I am hoping they come in before next weekend so I can get them properly made up and try them out in a race situation.

Ritchey WCS Apex Carbon 50mm Tubulars

I'm not about to ride trying to look serious and not actually be serious. I can't stand the blokes who have all sorts of money to blow on the nicest gear, only to have those heavy wallets seemingly slide them off the back on any sort of climb. I will not be that man. Though, the econ minor in me is telling me to make note of the fact that in order for such a nice tubular wheelset to be available for a poor fellow like me, there needs to be consumers that can buy the more expensive stuff (good cyclists or not) to create that demand and perpetuate that trickle-down effect of quality products for cheaper (what I can afford).

I am serious about my commitment to cycling and it does not just mean I will buy better gear, equipment, or any junk expecting I will be any better. I am the engine. I am the driving force. I must make myself suffer and pull out of it to improve myself and go where I want to - nothing else will.

I am hoping to find a job for my post-summer life that will hopefully at least lead to somewhere I want to take my personal life. You all should know how I feel about moving back at home. There are pros and cons and I really need to watch myself in this adjustment/transitional period. I should really be a more appreciative tenant (note the free food up there... and the opportunity to even think about purchasing that wheelset).

Anyway, I am eager to get my resume updated and sent out to those potential employers. I am demanding just as much out of my personal/work life as I am my cycling. Only I can take me where I want to go.

Satisfaction is a fleeting companion. I know there will always be better cyclists and more for me to achieve - I cannot stop. I am inspired by other people on and off the bike. There is more I want to say, but I need sleep and you don't need to read about it now.

Thanks for reading, friends.

New Things & A Bigger Stage

Let me just out with it... I am now a Cat 3 cyclist! I was not expecting this to happen so quickly and I am pumped! I feel like I've hit this mark in my cycling career a bit fast, but I'm not about to complain and I have been wanting to step up to this level for a long time. I can now make myself suffer in any race I'm allowed in with some of the best around. I say this with my upcoming race in Ohio in mind. I will be competing in the combined Cat 1/2/3 field. There is no solo 3 field, nor combined 3/4 field. I am hitting the ground running on this one, folks.

Beyond all of that. If you all remember me mentioning how I broke my trainer the other week... I have a new one that is indeed an investment to one that should last for years!

D2 meeting his new friend!

This weekend looks to be a good one. Sure, I'm missing the senior bar-crawl.... I think I'd rather be doing this.

Independence-Driven Sanity

So that's two races in one week that have had to cancel due to weather. I don't like it one bit, but it is what it is. I am hoping my form will keep being worked with training rides that I would much rather be a race. There is just a whole different mentality and physical focus that happens during a race that no training ride will provide. You dig harder. It's as simple as that.

In full stride, I am looking ahead to the summer of post-graduation and "the real world." I will be moving back in with my parentals and you all should know by now how much I appreciate them. I gave them a call today to toss them my idea before I wrote anything here - anticipating a follow-up email asking me about it.  Anyway, the idea is for me to find an apartment to move into for myself to keep an independence-driven sanity. Not that living at home will drive me insane, but it will.


^work

I have a lifestyle that I'm trying to see work out. There will be quite an alteration of that when I am slapped into work the Monday after graduation, but I am confident I can handle it and keep this cycling front and center. The apartment search will be all window-shopping until I can have a job secured to continue that money income after this temporary summer job. That will be key and the deciding factor. Yet again, I am confident things will work out and that I will end up alright in this world.

Three weeks left of school and I'm trying my best to hold on to the fun of it all. While I'm young! Also, my aforementioned parentals will be celebrating their 29th (I believe) wedding anniversary tomorrow. They are a beautiful and strong, loving couple and I am one lucky kid. Thanks for reading.

IUP For Four Years

Today is my off-day for the week as far as training on the bike goes and I have some time that I feel I might as well use writing. I spent last night writing a paper and after that was taken care of the amazing weather was just too much to resist. I could not allow myself to sit in my apartment so I went out for a walk around IUP's campus with my camera. You should all know by now that I'm no photographer and it is just something I like to do. There are many instances I wish I could capture the way light is playing off buildings or simply when I see something unexpectedly delightful. I haven't worked up the guys to asking people if I could take pictures of their delightfulness just yet. I might just want to leave that to the professionals. In any case, walking around IUP's campus last night got me to think a lot more about my past four years here than I have on any bike ride of late.

It got me thinking about how when I first visited this school I was not keep to go here. Indiana University of Pennsylvania's lot was not fitting with my conception of what a college campus was to look like. Naive, sure, but this really was the only campus I visited other than GMU's in my hometown. Regardless, I have been here four years.

Don't think I don't wonder about what I could have done differently here. I went into college with the idea that you make it what it is. I am amazed at the friends I've made and I will absolutely miss them. I have been lucky enough to have picked up the beautiful sport of cycling here and I will always keep that in my life. Mistakes are taken as lessons and knowledge is relative. I of course hope I haven't missed opportunities and I an really trying to make the most of the time I have left here. I will be moving on shortly and such is life. No need to linger on the "what could've beens." 

A lot of these new buildings around were not there when I started at IUP. I remember my first day of classes...

I was at this very spot I was lost and frantically trying to avoid being late for classes. I looked up the campus map and thought I had a pretty good idea of where buildings were and what I was to be looking for. Keith Hall had my very first class and I could not, for the life of me, find it. I consulted that on-campus, campus map and was still at a terrified loss. My head on the swivel, I searched for a kind soul that might point me in the right direction. Instead, the chance I took was to ask someone just as lost as me. In my mind, at least I wouldn't feel as embarrassed asking for directions from someone who looked to be in the same aforementioned despair am I. He was looking for Keith too. Upon re-consulting our campus map we wondered if Keith Hall was actually right in front of us. There was no sign from our vantage point that we were right at the steps of our destination, but eventually my memory fades as I step into the building and my collegiate endeavors have officially begun.

Thanks for reading.

Loner Status: Reflective?

I've been working up in my mind the appreciation I have living by myself and the perks it affords me. I can listen to whatever music I want, (I think I have good taste) I can ride my trainer as late as I need to, (papers are eating up my time) I can have over whomever I please, (friends all around anyway) what's mine is mine, (food - but also dishes), and there are a whole host of other things you can imagine I am appreciative of. I'm a single, male, 22 year old college student. My location in this Indiana of Pennsylvania couldn't be much better either.

But I'm not gonna run wild with this one. I will just briefly reflect upon this situation I have found myself in. Don't think I'm running without a leash in this town. I have realized I need to keep to myself to a degree, lest I run into some tough sights of yester-semester. Really, I just mean to say I am trying to appreciate as much of my young, free, single, cycling life I have left in this town. I am not going to say I'm not happy to be moving on, but there's a lot of what I will call "potential" that I can't help but wonder about  for my college life.

I'm not gonna dwell on anything beyond mentioning it. I live alone and I really enjoy that. I will be moving back in with my parentals and I am not about to complain. They have done so much for me and will graciously continue to. I do try to not take them for granted. Beyond that I do try to live in the moment.

I have pondered to the conclusion that maybe the reason why I have turned to blogging so much is in fact because I live alone. My old roommate, Spencer, is a character. Beyond being a really great, issueless roommate, we would often spend time just talking stuff we had going on and just communicated like human beings. It seems simple, but the stuff I am talking about now, I have shared with a few people recently, but certainly not in this detail.

Some people are meeting me at this time and I couldn't be happier. I am a very talkative person at the moment and I am positive throughout which makes me more outgoing. I consider myself to be a realist, but I know when to relax it... I think. Anyway, I have to let go of this topic and keep moving forward.

I've got the Holidaysburg Spring Classic road race this weekend to hustle. I will be bringing some new racers to that event and I hope the weather holds. I do know it will not be as tough as this past weekend in many respects. Thanks for reading. You and I are just getting to know each other, blogger.

I Could Write More

Don't think I can't write more... but I feel like I am the type of person, if there ever was one, that has a number of skills for which I am proud of, yet I will be soon living without a direction. I will focus this on my writing. I enjoy writing and I hope that you all reading this, whether it's your first time visiting my blog or you've been following for a bout as long as you can stand... a month..maybe, that you can enjoy it too. I try to keep it on a level field for those who may or may not know cycling, and what I am talking about at all. I want everyone to have something gained from reading any given post, however idealistic that mat be.

That being said, (I'm huge for "prefaces" as they allow for me to say whatever I want to say thereafter) I am happy to keep writing and all, but as an up and coming graduate, I would hope you all understand my uncertainty of the future. I know that over time things will eventually workout and I will get a job that will allow me to afford to live in a place on my own and that, again, I will eventually be able to support (or at least hit 50/50) a beautiful family with a beautiful wife and live the dream I have been so lucky to be given a front-row seat to my whole life. I very much appreciate the family and parents that I have been adopted into... don't even get me started. Ask me for more information and I will be happy to explain further.

Nevertheless, this doesn't mean that I do not have to work for what I want. I have the understanding that in order to aspire for great things, some other things may have to be sacrificed. As a cyclist, I dearly hope that my sacrifice will not have to be the bike. Maybe what I fear the most happening is just what I imagine happening - thinking about having to go back to the moving company I worked for two summers ago. I know I got good work and money (arguably not enough) there and some perks due to some "smarts," but it took my physical life out of my bike. I didn't race (forgetting how scared I was to race back then) and I was simply exhausted coming home from those long hours.

That is all I feel like I can get when I graduate in early May. Am I mistaken? I don't mean to place any shadow of doubt upon this blog, but I do not think I will feel like I'm "on top of the world" upon graduation. I might just be too much of a realist for that kind of thinking. Previous graduates have already ruined me by telling me that the feeling of one being on top of any world is a short-lived affair. In my mind, why even bother with it? I have already been applying to numerous jobs and internships. And that's just it. I started out looking at well paying jobs to then looking at only "paid" internships. Now I am afraid I should look for any type of distraction to my summer that can, at some level, be put on paper - paid or not. Where to start...

What interests me? I don't think I'm at the privilege to look for something that interests me yet. I am just another "starving grad," willing to pick up anything the good employees might throw me. I have got steep competition and bottomless ego to fill. I guess I might have to hit the bottom of that pit to really find what I am capable of, but what about my capabilities that I'm fully aware of right now?

I can write, right? I am no english major, I don't know "mechanics," and I have no idea where to start. This blog I certainly something I am proud of and that I will mention in cover letters, but I am fairly confident it gets me nowhere (confidence indeed). Again, I don't mean to toss my negativity on this blog.

Let me think of the positives. Well, I will be graduating after 4 years, (the average is now 5? 6!? whatever that means anyway) I will have a minor as well, (probably should have gone with the double major) and I have served as the president of a club (no one knows what I do). Okay. I've got a few things going for me. As I see it, I could readily blog, promote, and help a business or organization from wherever they are. I like to think I understand what the "youth" wants to hear. Do I? No clue, folks.

I am simply uncertain of the future. I feel like I should start from scratch in order to really figure out what I am capable of. However, I don't want to be someone who manifests a passion for the first thing that I can have pick me up. I have passions. I understand they may not be enough to make it in the real world, but they mean something to me. Just like how I believe my feelings for another human being are meaningful and not something to be wasted. I am a passionate person with a purpose- always to better myself and others. I do believe that I will find some job that will meet my needs and wants at least at a half way point sometime in the furture. I know I cannot expect that to start off, but I have ambitions for myself. That's nothing to be shy about.

I do not want to ever feel like my time has been wasted. Am I wrong to expect that I will not allow myself to ever be a dish washer? Maybe. I really don't know. I have been a lucky lad, sure, but I have not been one that has not learned the value of myself and my skills. I will keep diligent to apply for jobs and internships. I will trust my gut and my intuition for myself and trust my decisions and diligence to get through college. This seems to be a lot of what I can hang on to. I can only say so much on paper.

Further, I believe I have a winning personality. I have confidence and charm. I believe in myself as often as I can and I know I can apply my diligent work ethic to whatever task I am given. I am probably too idealistic to think I will be able to land a job that I will have the ability to ride and race as much as I would like while making enough money. My youthful chance to develop into a notable professional rider for the U.S. has long passed and I am okay with that (as much as I can be). Yet, I still know I can be at least a local pro level rider at some point and that I have the passion to make something of myself from this passion I have developed. I know it is a passion when it has me writing this much about it, spending this much time within it, (with no pay mind you) and certainly hoping to have it in my future almost (it's a slim margin) as much as I hope to have a lovely, beautiful, caring, understanding, (I'm a cyclists after all) strong wife.

I have to look to the future at this point. Whether it is an innate, human characteristic, or simply society-fed; I am anxious about my future. "Live in the present." I know. And I do as much as I can, folks. Where does that leave me? Still looking for a job. When I say, "I can always go back to the moving company, " it's always with great reluctance. I simply do not know where else to look.

Alright enough negativity. I'm not like that. I have carried myself to a certain standard that I am proud of. I have my faults like anyone else, but I know what and who I care about and that means a lot to me. I have wanted to develop myself in character as well as some more noticeable abilities such as writing and maintaining a logical analytic mind. I also consider myself as a somewhat witty, creative type. I have vision and I work for professionalism in everything I do. Haha... There's a line almost straight from a cover letter I would write. I was never taught how to write a cover letter, mind you.

I guess I mean to say that there is a lot that I am a bit anxious about. In a little less than 2 months, I will no longer be able to put "student" as my occupation as an excuse for not having any income. I will likely be unemployed, and I am taking the time and effort to write this all out because it simply means a lot to me. I look forward to having that beautiful family of my own. Nothing wrong about that. (blogging this much about that... maybe.) It's more proof that I aim to live in the moment and I am not afraid to open up. (You don't know me.) I hope those who care most about me do read this and I am very surprised to hear when people tell me they do read this thing (even more so when I have been told that they have looked to start writing their own! - please do!)

Although I would hope that this blog enlightens many about the world of cycling and my world therein, I know it is rare that I will share more about myself on a personal level. Yes, I will sometimes let my excitement boil a little over on this blog, but it's only with some in mind that I do. You ought to now who you are. I hope to keep it like that. I have said a lot here, and I hope you appreciate it as simply me venting a little. Some stress is good and I will not let myself to be consumed by it all. I am still going to graduate in May and I will still find a job doing something. I will live past the possible boredom, annoyances, and uncertainties that my first 1, 2 or 7 jobs may provide. Thank you so much to those who have read this terribly pointless post all the way through. It means a lot. Don't think I have not thought to just close this window, ignoring what I have written. It means something to me, though. Also, please don't think I am so egocentric that I do not relealize there there are so many more important and worthwhile things to think, care, and spend time supporting than me...

If you feel so led, please do visit The American Red Cross and donate to support their efforts to help those in Japan or anywhere else they are supporting. Thanks again.