Today is a day off and with the weather the way it is, spending time indoors is just gonna happen. But I can say that, for me, spending time indoors pretty much has to happen.
I am not, however, stuck with nothing to do. Aside from continuously developing my skills in hashtagging all things witty in my life, I am also working to figure out more of where I want to be in the future. If there ever was a more important homework assignment, my boss told me that I need to work to figure that out over the next few months.
My definition may be more muddled than some of yours, but I'm beginning to figure it out. I believe that for me, success is going to have to be a step-by-step thing. I have to accept that for now, I do not have a grand view of what five years ahead will be like for my life. Maybe the question to ask is where I don't see myself in five years; or even one year.
I mean, at one year from now, I do NOT see myself still living with my parents. I do NOT see myself with a bum nerve in my ankle/foot. I do NOT see myself still selling mens clothing at J. Crew. I do NOT see myself being anything but happy.
But don't get me wrong, now. I am a happy person. I have moments where I'm more tired than I would like to be - thus dragging my mood through a dreary, ghost-of-sappy-moods-past, blahblah drench of mud. But you all know I'm not one to enjoy any of that.
In a year, I see myself with an apartment of my own. I see myself with my bike so yearning for the race season to begin. I see myself working hard for something I may have never seen myself doing. I see myself watching my life shaping out well toward a balance of finding my direction and still being open for anything that comes my way. I see opportunities unfolding throughout this year ahead of me that will put me in a place where I can begin to see ahead 5 years and beyond.
That's what it is! I'm just not there yet. I am absolutely capable of seeing beyond the immediate to where I want to be, but I'm just not in the position to see that far ahead. Right now I sell clothes. Next year, who knows!?!
There is a wall of doubt, fear, and stress, that can build up in all of our lives when things just seem to not add up for what we want. Opportunity, as I see it for me now, will be a way to see over that wall. I don't know how it will come, and I cannot expect anything from it beyond a challenge, but I am excited and up for it.
I had really hoped that the people I met through cycling would be able to provide connections toward an opportunity for me to see over my "wall." Though some did offer their help and words of encouragement, nothing too much came of it as I decided to apply for the job I have now.
I do not see myself here years down the road, but I do see myself owing a lot to what I have learned here about the people I have been exposed to. I do not take my time and efforts at this job for granted even if it's not where I want to be. How can I when I don't even know where I want to be?
I know that I can be successful with almost any job that I am given. I have not worked in offices or regular day jobs that have come about through internships like so many seem destined to land and drive their careers in. Yet I am confident that I could do so much with an opportunity to make a real difference in places I work. I have a creative, personable, diligent manner about me and how I perform. I know that I do not need a masters degree and 7 years of experience to be able to handle a job that I want to get, but can't because on paper I'm inexperienced. I know that given the right opportunity, I can make the most of and thrive with almost any job or career that I choose to pursue. I know something will open up for me and I can't wait.
Ask me what I want to do, and all I may be able to answer back to you is a cheesy "I want to be given an opportunity." Maybe that's the wrong attitude to some of you, but there are people around me that see a lot in me that I have been so waiting for someone to notice. In a way, have struck gold with this job at J. Crew. The people I directly work for, I not only look up to, but consider my friends. Their tenacity, diversity, passions, and goofiness is amazing to me. They see a potential in me.
I now see a world that isn't so scary and I wanna get after it.
Thanks for reading.