Should Post More

At least I feel like I should. Again, this blog is for me. Well, I don't mean to be too selfish, but that's the only way I can justify writing all this nonsense for people like me to read. Anything of interest is sort of on the "unnecessary" side of real life. Real life equalling stuff like:

• Family,
• Work,
• Friends, (I need to work on this)
• Money, (I still need a job lined up after the summer)
• Apartment (after I get that job lined up...)
• ... certainly some other things too.

Then cycling. But I'm not gonna lie to you. Right now, I really am hoping to keep cycling as close to the top as possible. I'll try to keep my head on straight, but if it could get a job that pays well that has to do with cycling, I might lose my mind.

I'm not about to complain about what I have now. That would be useless and who knows what is gonna happen in the future. I don't. You don't. Life is in the present.

I have realized that cycling is working its way into many aspects of my life. I mean first it started when I could see physical changed in my body physique after a few months of continuous riding when I first started... and if you know me, you'll know that that's all it took for me to be hooked. That's power. To change what I look like with something that I am enjoying more and more? Keep me on the list!

What I am meaning to get at is that cycling is a passion I have. I wouldn't say it's my only passion, but it's the most prominent right now. It is a driving force. I am trying desperately to have it stay that way. problem is... I have to live in this real world. I want to make a healthy living, I want to ride as much as I can, and I don't want either of those two things to clash. Maybe I'm being a tad short-sighted.

Let me step back. Okay. Uhm. This would be easier if I had some hindsight bais. My ignorance of the aforementioned future is a limiting factor here.

So I guess I will have to wing it. As long as I will try to apply for a job with some cycling company as some administrative support guy, I will also be applying to jobs in government agencies. I don't know where the fish will bite. I don't know how qualified I am or am not. I would hire me, but what do I know? My B.A. in international studies with that econ minor seems to perk people's ears for a gummint job, but I don't know where I fit. I don't feel like I fit.

Whoa whoa, John. Hold up. You did graduate. You are not an idiot. You can sort of write (at least for your own enjoyment). You know how to use the internet, share links, make videos, research, you know how to talk diplomatically and usually without bias. Okay. But they don't know that. My resume reflects the stuff on paper with a little out of ink, but again... they don't know me. 

Maybe what I need is an interview. They will get to see me, hear me talk, and hopefully find that I am able to learn and find interest in a lot of things. I hesitate to say "just about anything," because that would be a lie. There's a lot out there that I don't want to have anything to do with, but I guess I am in no position to be picky. On top of that, it's not like my phone is buzzing out of my pocket with potential employers anyway.

I really am wanting to get my life going, but as my dad has aptly put, "You're stuck." That I am, Dad. That. I. Am. So what's a 22 year old to do? Stop grumbling. Stop blogging. Stop dreaming. Start putting effort into that unknowable future. Four years at IUP was just a first step, John.

I mean, ideally I would like to have some work experience - preferably in a government agency that will pay will, give nice benefits, and allow me to still race and continually develop as a cyclist - and then go back to school for a masters - living the life as a hard(er) working student while still developing as a cyclist - to eventually make enough money to support others than myself and my cycling "development" (in quotes there as I don't know how many years I have left to be getting better and better at that point).

I have a sense of urgency and this is what is going through my head... The summer is waning and all I'm doing is whining... or ranting at least. Maybe I don't need to settle down into any career at this point, but I have to have a job after the summer. I need to make money and get an apartment for myself (if that job pays enough) or with some other kids. I am still young and I still want to meet other people my age. I need to get out. I need to enjoy my life. I need to get more fit. I need to harden up and get better at cycling. I need to destroy whatever is holding me back and work for what I want.

All those "needs." Sense of urgency.

You all should know I'm not trying to complain. It's my situation and I need to get through it. If anyone knows of any job opportunities for a multi-talented, quick learner, hard worker, diligent, likable, get-the-job-done type... I'm not all that picky. At least, I won't tell anyone I don't like the job. But I digress (about time, right?).

Life as I know it is all I know. I have hopes, fears, and really... not that many beers*. I really do enjoy this blog and writing for it needs to be more than about my racing (Where's The Podium?). I'm real with you all. I am really going to be in a pinch if I don't get a job lined up after the summer and all that I might have saved will go to paying meager bills and utter annoyance. Things might go sour for me and I really don't want that. But that's enough worrying. Worrying is for people with too much time to waste. That, I do not have. 

What I do have is a firm passion (among others), ambitions, drive, and as much common sense as I can muster. I thank you for reading this. I didn't think it would turn into me talking so much about job yearning, but it is what is largely on my mind. I would share some of the other stuff, but this is neither the time nor the place... and frankly, you're not the intended audience - sorry.

*no this was not some drunken rant - I have no time for that either... I'll let you know when I do.