Stability Forth

Plagued by injuries, a treacherous work schedule, and other unpredictable ups and downs, this season off from racing has not always been easy for me to deal with.  I have thought to blog more, but haven't been able to work up the energy until now I suppose. This blog is for my riding and mindset toward racing. Since there hasn't been any of that, I just haven't felt it right to update it.

Anyway, I am foreseeing some stability in my life at least for the next year. Stability in this case will mean that I can look toward racing next year. I will be a Cat4 and I will be hungry. My planning and preparation will begin tonight as I construct my training program.

However, there are a few things I must remind myself and even those around me if I am to commit to this.

1. I will believe in myself, and in all that I do - know that I am doing my personal best mentally and physically.
2. This will not be easy; a commitment to suffering is key.
3. Sacrifices will have to be made.
4. I will become stronger in every way.

I get flashbacks of my first win at Bucknell with my IUP team and how I did it with the help and support of my eager, passionate friends there. I savored the pain, effort, power, and numb elation I felt after crossing that finish line first with my teammate celebrating next to me. I remember my second win at the Bud Harris Cycling Oval in Pittsburgh where I had my very first race two years before. I remember the commanding sprint I won after a friend gave me his all to put me in the right position through the final bend to latch a wheel and overtake with bike lengths to spare. These are two moments among many that I cannot forget and will not let be the only times I will have accomplished goals for my bike and myself.

Tonight, I will construct my training program to take me into next year and the races I hope to show well in. Pulling from the strengths I have developed, the weaknesses I will combat, and the challenges I still hope to face, this program and race schedule will prove to be a real test for me. There is no time to lose and I want this.

Yet I know that I cannot do this without the support of those around me. Though I will be putting myself through a lot to reach what I want, I cannot forget that my life affects others. I will seek a balance in my life on and off the bike with my friends and family, my work and studies, and of course, my beautiful, supportive girlfriend. She is telling me to not hold back and I couldn't agree more.

I am a person with focussed passions. No, I have not always known what I have wanted to be or do with my life, but right now I know that I want to race my bike. Next year will be an opportunity for me and I want to take it.

Thanks for reading.

Have Me Back, NoVa

I'm young.

Alright, readers. For those that do not know, have not heard, have no idea what's going on, or find themselves reading this without much else going on in their lives, I can assure you that a lot has been happening in mine since my last post. I have thought to post more often, but here we are, and I am not moving to New York. I have taken a few risks, made a few mistakes, lost some time, lost some money, and come out alive.

The process exhausted me. Though I wish it could have turned out as I would have hoped, life goes on and being back in Virginia is not necessarily a bad thing. I still work at the J. Crew at Tysons Galleria and am still working hard to keep opportunities available for me.

The DC area in Northern Virginia is home.

Washington DC is such a clean city compared to New York. NY is gross. I will be okay with exploring more of what's going on around here.

Friends here help pass the time!

This may not be where I will stay the rest of my life, but I know that this process about New york has taught me a lot about how things will and won't work out. I was put under some intense stress, through situations and my own doing, but have come out of it with a clearer head and an ever eagerness to keep moving forward.

Passion Tea Lemonades (sweetened) for myself and a pretty girl.

My parents are working for a potential move themselves and I hope that they can get all that they want out of their next endeavors. I will be there to help them out as they have certainly helped me get through all of this happening in my life.

Really, there's not much else for me to say beyond this for now. Had I blogged more frequently through this process, you would know more details like... how I am out a lot of money from the last few months trying to make this work, how I am trying to get back $300 that was, imo, wrongfully taken from me, how I almost sold my car, how strong, understanding, and amazing my girlfriend has been through this with me (she has her own stories), and how lucky I am to be where I am now.

Gardening is included in that help for the parentals.

As far as cycling, I will be racing tonight at the Greenbelt Park Training Race in the B (4/5) category. Yes, I have downgraded to a Cat 4. Not proud of that move, but it is a necessary one until I can work my way back up. Let's be honest, my performance as a Cat 3 wasn't much to write about and I have been off the bike for a long time dealing with injuries, my work schedule, and all that has happened to me lately. I could use the redevelopment and challenge ahead of me.

Waiting for a pickup to deal with that flat tubular.

I am hoping to be back racing as a Whole Wheel Velo Club rider from here on out... if they'll have me back.

And what do you know, readers?! If this race happens tonight, (pending a weather decision from race officials) there will be a new "Where's The Podium?" entry coming up! I am very excited to race!

Thanks for reading.

Going Public; To NYC

Last Tuesday, I ventured up to New York City with my girlfriend so that she could interview with an art gallery for an internship. After successfully acquiring the internship position at the C24 Gallery, it looks like a move will be had for the two of us by next week followed by one of our store managers in mid May.

That's fast.

Now, please provide me with benefit of any doubts you may have. This is a premeditated move for long-term aspirations of job opportunity, personal development, and absolutely anything else the world might have for me. I am a realistic optimist here, readers. Something great (or rather... some great things) will come of this, I just do not know what that (they) will be.

Still riding and sweating on this, a J. Crew shoe bag to protect my bike's carbon fiber.

But let me frame it a bit more for you. I will be moving up there and transferring to a new J. Crew store in NYC. Though I am not sure which of the locations I will be placed at, (I don't even know how many there are) wherever there is a location for my position will be where I go. I am happy and appreciative to have support from my current store director. Right when she knew of a move to NY, for me she put into motion all that she could do to help out and wish me the best for success and fulfillment. And though at this point I do not know much of the details, I do know that it's being worked out.

Altogether, those like so many other details have yet you be figured out, yet I fail to see much point in succumbing to any crippling anxiety. Those close to me know that I've felt some pungent effects of worrying, but that I refuse to allow anything but optimistic excitement permeate this process.

I liken this to moving away to college again. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I don't know what will happen, who I'll meet, the friends I'll make, where I'm gonna live.... Oh yeah, I still don't know where I will live, but again... nothing to worry about. It will be figured out and I'll make the best of it!

As far as cycling, this move will shake up my club membership. I don't anticipate finding a team right away... I may even race next season without a team at first to figure out what kind of racers different clubs have. I have been very lucky to have landed an amazing team here in Northern VA with Whole Wheel Velo Club and I  trust they will continue success each season ahead! I wish them and their members the best of luck on and off the bike! Thank you, WWVC for allowing me on your team and helping my development as a racer and individual. I wish I could have raced with you more, but I don't think this is the last time I will see you all.

This is a move to get more out of myself. This is a move to see me struggle, and come out on top. This is a move to get what I want; out of myself, out of life, out of everything I have yet to experience. I will not stop. I will push myself and do what I have to do to achieve success. I can hardly wait.

Beyond all of that, it's all up in the air. Anyone want to buy my road shoes? Anyone want to buy my car? (I will make follow-up "listing" posts for these and any other item that I need to sell for people's interest.)

First picture I took in New York a few years ago.

Thanks for reading.

In Technicolor

My bum is squishy and my legs are weakening. It's time to stop whining and ride. Like many things in my life, I have found that it is better to act than to simply talk, complain, whine, groan, and think. With an overdue need to ride and brilliant inspiration from a local amateur elite racer going to the big league, I have wanted to prove to my legs that I haven't forgotten them.

Tonight, I did just that. Sure it wasn't for a long ride, but I needed a good sweat, stretch of the legs, and heart pumper. My body is nowhere near the form it had this time last year, but I am not worried.

tanline still on the arm.

I plan on making a quality comeback on the bike. Some changes are about to mount in my life and my bike will be my ever-constant.

rides in technicolor (oh yes... small ring for this spin)

... Even if this is the best that I can do right now so my foot isn't in agony, I can still ride and train, suffer and succeed.

Thanks for reading.

Let It Be Said

"I am looking for a job."

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I thought you have a job!" says you.

"Uuuhhh yeaaah I need another one," says I. "This one I've got just isn't cutting it."

And that's all that really needs to be said. The one I've got, as glad as I am to have it, just doesn't give me that satisfaction, growth potential, monetary compensation, and sustainable attributes I so desire. I can't move out of my parental's house, I can't save much, I can't train on my bike, I can't race on weekends, I can't blah blah this, and I can't blah blah that!

So, I gotta do something about it. What I have done is revamp my resume, talked to friends and colleagues about job hunting, applied places, written cover letters, emailed people, networked, and certainly done my share of whining. Yet, keeping in line with my loathing of feeling like I am wasting my time, I cannot spend time whining, complaining, wishing, and dreaming about my perceptions of the situation I have versus the situation I want.

"Well if you want something, why don't you just go get it!" says you.

Then I says, "Oh, well I mean I plan on it. It's not th-"...

"That easy?" you interject.

"Right."

"Do what it takes."

"What does it take?" I plead.

"How should I know?" you inform me.

Well, no one seems to. Other than a lot of work, diligence, a neglect for noticing a stopping point until you've reached your destination, time, patience, knowing someone, and probably luck, I won't get anywhere without trying.

"I'm looking in NYC for my next job," I declare.

"Ew, why there?" you ask with concentrated disdain.

There has a lot more opportunity for a job and a way for me to develop than around here. Sure there are jobs here, but nothing with what I can see myself doing. The mentality is different there and sure it's competitive, but I can't get anywhere around here with how things are. I have more of an idea about things than I will let on here, but just know that I have to get somewhere and I feel rather "lame duck" here.

I see myself writing. I see myself finding chances to get information out, to tell stories, make people feel something, and really grow as an individual with the right opportunity. I want to race again. I want to train again. I want to begin my life again.

Thanks for reading.

Recovery Rides

Friends, there are reasons why you are not seeing me on the road as much these days. I would say that it is both a sad fact and an annoying happenstance that I may not be able to race this road season. My ankle's nerve, with effected area now retracted enough to allow me to wear most shoes, has put me in a spot where my legs are simply not there in strength nor ability. My job, flinging fashion at everyone that walks through the door, has me stuck in a life without rhythm. Though these two potholes have left me without much control over my riding, I will be the one to change all of that.

As most of you should know, that neuritis put me right out of the game. Put ever simply... As long as nothing touched where that nerve was screwy, I was 100%. Once something touched it, game over. I don't know how some people don't get it, but think of it like... either something is touching your elbow or it's not. That's all. Once something touched it, it either gave a tingling sensation (from a light touch) or an excruciating stabbing sensation (a rough kick). For a while there cycling shoes were out of the question. This is probably nothing new for those who have followed any bit of my lackluster cycling life the past few months. Yet, as that nerve damage has found its way out of my life, another hindrance has plagued my unsuspecting legs.

J. Crew's clothing is something I feel lucky to wear. No one needs to wear clothing that can cost this much, but some people will drop thousands in one trip to that store and it's evident that the job I have can get hectic. I'm sure many of you have worked retail before. Remember, if you will, the kind of schedule one has to keep when working retail. What schedule, you ask? Exactly. My schedule for the rest of the week is as follows:

• Wednesday - 11am-8pm
• Thursday - 11am-7pm
• Friday - 12:30pm - 9:30pm (will be later for closing)
• Saturday - 9am - 6pm

Some weeks are better than others, yet none have a predictable attribute beyond me usually opening on Saturday and probably closing again on Sunday. I get that I can ask for weekends off, or Tuesdays and Thursdays left open to train, or for some pattern that might allow me to put some training in, but that's not all that I'm after.

I am happy to have a job, but I hope you can understand how limiting (in more ways than I will mention here) a retail job like this one can prove to be. To keep this on a positive spin, I have been making strides to better my situation and am open to changes that will facilitate development in every aspect of my life. My resume has been updated and I am currently churning out cover letters and applying to places where I feel my abilities are better suited while my cycling can continue as I need it to.

Thanks for reading.

Throw A Bone

I don't know where this one will go, but I feel like I might as well write a bit.

Today is a day off and with the weather the way it is, spending time indoors is just gonna happen. But I can say that, for me, spending time indoors pretty much has to happen.

You guys... I don't miss the snow. At least in the state that my feet have to be in anywhere I go. Sure, snow is pretty and I don't mind cold weather, provided I am smart about what I wear, but as far as footwear; I'm limited. But alright. we've been here before. John is stuck in his Sperry topsiders - we get it.

I am not, however, stuck with nothing to do. Aside from continuously developing my skills in hashtagging all things witty in my life, I am also working to figure out more of where I want to be in the future. If there ever was a more important homework assignment, my boss told me that I need to work to figure that out over the next few months.

Sleepy Sally.

Success is ambiguous and subjective.

My definition may be more muddled than some of yours, but I'm beginning to figure it out. I believe that for me, success is going to have to be a step-by-step thing. I have to accept that for now, I do not have a grand view of what five years ahead will be like for my life. Maybe the question to ask is where I don't see myself in five years; or even one year.

I mean, at one year from now, I do NOT see myself still living with my parents. I do NOT see myself with a bum nerve in my ankle/foot. I do NOT see myself still selling mens clothing at J. Crew. I do NOT see myself being anything but happy.

But don't get me wrong, now. I am a happy person. I have moments where I'm more tired than I would like to be - thus dragging my mood through a dreary, ghost-of-sappy-moods-past, blahblah drench of mud. But you all know I'm not one to enjoy any of that.

In a year, I see myself with an apartment of my own. I see myself with my bike so yearning for the race season to begin. I see myself working hard for something I may have never seen myself doing. I see myself watching my life shaping out well toward a balance of finding my direction and still being open for anything that comes my way. I see opportunities unfolding throughout this year ahead of me that will put me in a place where I can begin to see ahead 5 years and beyond.

That's what it is! I'm just not there yet. I am absolutely capable of seeing beyond the immediate to where I want to be, but I'm just not in the position to see that far ahead. Right now I sell clothes. Next year, who knows!?!

Opportunity is a stepladder to Success.

There is a wall of doubt, fear, and stress, that can build up in all of our lives when things just seem to not add up for what we want. Opportunity, as I see it for me now, will be a way to see over that wall. I don't know how it will come, and I cannot expect anything from it beyond a challenge, but I am excited and up for it.

I had really hoped that the people I met through cycling would be able to provide connections toward an opportunity for me to see over my "wall." Though some did offer their help and words of encouragement, nothing too much came of it as I decided to apply for the job I have now.

I do not see myself here years down the road, but I do see myself owing a lot to what I have learned here about the people I have been exposed to. I do not take my time and efforts at this job for granted even if it's not where I want to be. How can I when I don't even know where I want to be?

I know that I can be successful with almost any job that I am given. I have not worked in offices or regular day jobs that have come about through internships like so many seem destined to land and drive their careers in. Yet I am confident that I could do so much with an opportunity to make a real difference in places I work. I have a creative, personable, diligent manner about me and how I perform. I know that I do not need a masters degree and 7 years of experience to be able to handle a job that I want to get, but can't because on paper I'm inexperienced. I know that given the right opportunity, I can make the most of and thrive with almost any job or career that I choose to pursue. I know something will open up for me and I can't wait.

Ask me what I want to do, and all I may be able to answer back to you is a cheesy "I want to be given an opportunity." Maybe that's the wrong attitude to some of you, but there are people around me that see a lot in me that I have been so waiting for someone to notice. In a way, have struck gold with this job at J. Crew. The people I directly work for, I not only look up to, but consider my friends. Their tenacity, diversity, passions, and goofiness is amazing to me. They see a potential in me.

I now see a world that isn't so scary and I wanna get after it.

Thanks for reading.