Finally Snow

It's about time Northern Virginia acquired the justification for calling it "winter" and these cold temperatures. It was a dusting and no one was freaking out, but it was a welcome sight to me. I had the day to myself and though I didn't get too much done as far as productive, inspiring accomplishments go, I did drive to the post office for a package that was already delivered. Whoops.

Bean boots were chillin' in the whip.

With my fruitless errand fulfilled for the day, my check engine light decided to awaken from a deep, peaceful slumber. After 38,000+ miles, this '08 Hyundai had better not be trying to cost me money.

Note: no check engine light captured here... I just took the pic feeling lucky to have caught the moment.

Tomorrow I have work at the nice early time of 7am. I enjoy that early time. I don't know if I'm an "early bird," but when there's a job to be done, I'd rather have it slap me awake. At any rate, that's too early for me to get my car to a shop and figured out. Now I know what you're thinking... why didn't I just take it in today? Well, I had an on-call shift that I might have had to go in for and I just thought I could drive it in and there would be no problem.

Well, that would have been a problem. One should really not drive their car anywhere with their check engine light on, unless it's to a dealership to get that junk checked.

I just hope that check doesn't cost me money. It will have to happen this weekend I think. My mom is letting me borrow her car tomorrow.

Anyway, I went to Philadelphia with the pretty girl in this next picture. Unfortunately, her cat could not join, but we had fun seeing an IUP friend living there. I hope to make it back up there for a visit or two this year.

Also, I am LOVING the camera my girlfriend got me as an early birthday gift. I resisted having her gift it to me early, but she convinced me otherwise and I'm glad I caved. In fact, all of the photos on this post (and probably most every other from here on out) were taken with the new camera!

I seriously take this wonderful camera with me everywhere!

Never had a fancy latte like this before.

These teeth have not been this clean in a long time.

I'll close this post out with a few shots I took of a fiery sunset from a few days ago. I was driving to the mall with my friend Donnie and we were enjoying the scenic sky.

Thanks for reading.

For Me Lately

I'm just going to let my fingers do the talking on this one. I want to tell you all about the ride I had this weekend that would quickly turn into one of those "Okay... but what have you done for me lately?" types of topics if I allow it to linger too far beyond tonight.

I didn't do this one alone. As it turns out, I wouldn't have thought to do this ride or put in the effort that I did without a training partner. And before you all think I'm about to get all bromantic here, it makes for a huge difference mentally to have someone suffering, questioning their existence, and able to help you along riding next to you (and sometimes in front). It is something I have not had in this particular fashion on the bike before and I believe it will make us both stronger because of it - we are pushing each other at our most vulnerable.

Now, I say that I wouldn't have thought to do this ride without someone suggesting we tick away at it because it's true. I'm a sucker for the same stuff. Same rides, same routes, same whatever I have to do to not get myself lost and feeling like a helpless puppy... you get it... I'm a sissy about some things. When an opportunity like this presents itself to me (i.e. someone else is navigating), I'm not going to back away without feeling like I'm taking something away from myself easily. That being said, limits are taken when the legs aren't there or when the weather turns way too sour for a quality ride to be had and I could just ride my trainer for proper fitness and not cycling equipment testing.

That being said, when the esteemed weather-folk give us the "sunny skies in the middle-to-high 60s on Sunday" and things are actually "cloudy and fog all day with a chance of some rain for some of you with temperatures holding in the low-to-mid 50s"... don't you lie to me! Okay, we can't complain for the weather turning out that way in JANUARY, yet in principle no one appreciates feeling lied to when they plan their lives...

I'm going to go ahead and pump the brakes on my fingers here. The tangents are all generally understood.

Anyway, I wish I had brought my cameras. Filming on a day like this would have been amazing. What else do I have a weatherproof camera for!?!? Obviously, I'm kicking myself for not bringing it along as well as my new point-and-shoot for the gratuitous post-ride pictures. We were soaked, chilled, dirtied, tired, and in awe of the ride we had just experienced.

The Experience.

Have you ever ridden through and above a rain cloud before? This day's experience is one I do not think I will soon have again. Riding somewhere between where fog you drive through and the clouds you look up to - we rode into a rain cloud. Surely one has driven through this sort of thing, but there is hardly anything I can use to describe it when I was so intimately a part of it. 

You were not there feeling the pain through your body as lactic acid lit fire to every muscle sending your blood scour your lungs for every molecule of oxygen available. You were not battling kind of pain that makes your mind turn against you as a way to protect itself pleading for your submission. You were not wanting to quit like I was. I had forgotten this kind of suffering and how much it makes me love riding. 

For a moment we saw the sun this day. You did not.

In that moment of bright, blue, partly-cloudy skies we were reminded that everything experienced on this would be for the better in days to come. I know that some day ahead I will have the benefits of this day's suffering and feel stronger than everyone else around me... for a moment. The moment passes as the cold, wet fog engulfs us through another descent as we still have many miles yet to ride back.

And when it is all over with, it is a ride and experience like this that simply reminds me how lucky I am to continue suffering like I do for it. I know I am achieving no worldly "greatness," but in my own way I can say that I am able to experience more than so many others through my highs and lows on the bicycle. I ride for that pain and suffering to know my limits, and to push beyond them and my mind telling me to stop. Because sometimes its nice to feel that control where the rest of your world seems to dictate so much and hold you back.

Thanks for reading.

Zero to Eleven

Turns out influenza has grabbed me and knocked me sideways. Indeed, I won't be riding my bike or doing much of anything for the next few days. If you were to look at my Strava, you might think...

Huh. This guy hasn't been doing any sort of riding anyway. Well, truth is... I have been riding. Granted, I haven't been riding a huge amount, I just haven't been uploading. Really, winter training is nothing glamorous. I've said it before and I'll say it onward. But, allow me to upload my riding...

Give it a minute...

11 activities. Now, I know that's not all that many for 4 weeks. But for me... working where I do during this retail intense season, finishing up two classes taken during this past fall semester at NOVA, and life's twists and turns (like the flu), I think I've done pretty well.

I know that consistency is very important and something I want to keep up with. I have tried slot into a routine with work, classes, and life. I do intend to take another course next semester. What I also intend to do is continue riding as best that I can. 

For now, I will be doing my best to fight this influenza slapping me around. I hope everyone has a great holiday season and new year!

Thanks for reading.

Thank You, Cycling Subconscious

On my way home from work yesterday I had a wild sensation craving to race my bike. It's been a while since I've had those random images flash through my mind coupled with a foreboding urge to trash my legs through the pedals and into the bike.

The sensations do not last too long. This one was interrupted but the relatively easy traffic on 495 leaving Tysons and the thought of the training I must do to keep the hope of racing my bike alive. I'm not saying it will be a slim shot of me racing, I just mean that it will take some work and sacrifices.

Those sacrifices will not drop easily.

In any case, I am being reminded that the bike provides a balance in my life that I need. There is no real simpler way to put it.

I also recently had a dream where I was racing the Penn State Nittany Cycling Classic road race again. It was not the same course but my mind was trying to reconstruct the race, the hills, and the enjoyment I had racing it, and though I got to a point where I knew I was dreaming about it, I didn't want it to stop.

And all of this means that I don't want to stop riding, training, and racing. So I won't stop. Cycling in my subconscious is something I'm thankful for. It's giving me a lot to challenge myself to and keep working for.

Of course, I'm also thankful for my loving parents and family, as well as a beautiful gal who supports my cycling passion. Her birthday is this Saturday too!

And thank you for reading!

Treat Me Tricks

Realistically speaking, if I were to be paid to do the things I love - the things I wish I could do - I would be very lucky. It's just that... I'm being paid to take over-priced clothes out of cardboard boxes (and horrendously wasteful plastic surrounding each article of clothing) and refolding them to be put on shelves. It's an obvious statement that isn't what I enjoy doing, nor wish to be paid to do.

And before I go any further, I must make it clear that in these times, it is not lost on me that I have a certain degree of luck to even have this job. This is not a post to further dig myself into a hole from anyone's perspective than I already sometimes do. Remember, these and all posts are written for me in the moment for which I write them. These notions will pass and hopefully by the end of this, I will have found the silver lining that keeps me thinking I should stay positive... or that sleep will make it better.

I am passionate about cycling and the sport that has captured me. I wish I could be doing it full time. It isn't that maybe I couldn't see a potential to do this sport full-time in a way that might eventually lead to a professional taste, but it's that my life has been painted in such a way that the notion of such a hope I could commit to cannot exist now without the loss of my more realistic prospect of a future and financial existence. Is that the truth's pill I must regularly swallow? I know that sacrifices have been made by others beyond what I can think of myself doing to make this notion of this passion-fueled dream a reality. I know that I do not have the raw talent that others possess to become great and truly one of the sport's elite. Right?

I mean... what am I in all of this for? Myself? I am finding that harder to believe. Yet, I do believe nearly everything we do is for our own benefit. I like to think that what I do today will make a difference for my better or worse tomorrow. I like to think that I can live in the moment and get out on top. I like to think that I am making the most of everything this life will give me. Am I?

That sentiment is under some serious scrutiny tonight, folks. I keep having these thoughts of mild clarity go through my head that simply lead to racing thoughts of the world I am in. Most recently, I've thought that if I was as idle-minded as the world would have me be, would life just be easier? If I was someone that ignored the blatant lies, didn't see through the schemes media and advertising would have me follow, didn't jab against the fear this world would have me believe trust keeps me safe and aware, if I didn't punctuate, articulate, and communicate my thoughts while the lazy wagged their tongue, or forget that no one changes even when I've been told to stay true to who I am, would life be simpler? Has my wanting to fill my recent existence with as much evident beauty, crudeness, and in-between experience just entirely clouded and hindered my forward self? If I lived where life was tougher, where I fought to survive, had no time for wondering thoughts, where I had to make my own way without the warmth around me, would life's calling have revealed itself? If I couldn't choose my battles because the fight never ceased, would life have it's purpose? Strip it all away and we're all just trying to survive in our best interest; making choices to satisfice from what we have, and to sustain.

I don't care about money if I can do what I love to do. But that's a lie. I have to care. I can't do anything without money in this life. I have no way to support a family one day. Right? I have no way to eat. Right? I have no place to live. Right?

I know I can complain all I want about how little 'ole Johnny can't get his way. What I don't know is whether the way Johnny chooses to go will be enough to make him see that his wish to do what he loves must become worth so much less than what he ends with. Do you see? If I simply can't get what I want, can I find a way to numb what I feel knowing that this is how it is going to be?

I've been told that I am one that could do great things. What I am struggling with is the fear that what it is I will end up doing will not serve any purpose but to support what's around me, put food on a table, and a roof overhead; great for naught - in action and substance. I put pressure on myself, yes. I want to be more. I want to somehow transcend a simple, privileged self.

Readers, I cannot seem to ignore these thoughts, and I don't know if its even good for me to; though it probably would seem that I should, and would be better off - happier in blissful ignorance. That's what you'd do. Right?

I want more out of myself and am trying to figure out where I will find it.

Thanks for reading (but PLEASE not too much into this). Sometimes I just need to get thoughts down and out when stress weighs in. Trust me, there is a lot that I am looking forward to down the road... it's just how I am to get there with how long it will take, and even now while I wait, how can I keep making the most of things? I have been trying for a long time and I need new tricks to keep it going. It's that I need something to fill this time gap of my apparent suspension to make me think that it's all happening this way for a reason and that it's only going to keep getting better. Sometimes I get bored, and I think I need treats to trick me.

A Summer Ago

Last summer was the summer I graduated from college. As excited as I was to venture forth to my perception of the real world's open, expectant arms, the only job I got was that of a mosquito larvae killer. I'm sure that I have discussed the job here before, but one day I took a camera with me. And today I will share pictures I took of my day.

Before the pictures started, my day began at 6am at our (Clarke's) office/ home base in Manassas, VA. Given that the day was without a rainfall hindrance, co-workers and I receive our sections of Fairfax county map to cover for the day. We grab about 30+  bags containing 40 sacs of the biological larvicide called Vectolex that we will be using for the day (15+ bags to each person). After stuffing those 30 or so bags into our respective company bikes, we lift those into the beds of our truck(s), and head toward the ever- worsening traffic on route 66 West back toward Fairfax and the sections of map we are to cover.

Let's get this day going!

After dropping my coworker off on his map, I drive around to find where on my map I should start.

Also, this job made my arms skinny.

Good enough.

Then I unload this puppy, and contemplate my strategy to knock the map out. What a beaut...

I have a company gps/phone to note when I toss each packet found in those white bags you can see in the pannier.

Inevitably, this muscle straining steed would have a number of breakdowns (not far from the number of breakdowns it would cause me to have) and I would have to get to the nitty gritty and fix what wouldn't stay fixed.

Somehow, that third chainring couldn't seem to catch that chain.

The days were long. I would ride for 5-6 hours covering up to 40+ miles of whatever Fairfax county had to give me that day tossing up to 600+ of those Vectolex packets down the curb-side drains (catch basins). I would miss a lot, but my throwing technique somewhere between that needed to toss a throwing star and frisbee rendered me some good numbers for the days.

Everything would vary with the type of map I had... hills, traffic, catch-basin density of the map, residential versus commercial, my legs, my mind, my co-worker's work ethic and motivation.

Red dots covered the sections of maps noting where catch basins were to be located. A red slash through the dot denotes a successful packet toss down the drain. A circle was put around ones that were not there, and triangles were placed to show uncharted catch basins. We were supposed to mark our travel along the map with highlighter, but that horrible waste of time only slowed me down on the bike on top of having to press a button on that phone of ours every time we tossed... no thank you. Just be happy I get better, honest numbers of tosses.

This map is clear! 

Salt lines... you should see my shorts from that summer... not to mention tan lines.

Anyway, once it was time to head back I will have received a call from my coworker as to where would be good to pick him up.

Don't look at me, bike. I hate you.

Long day, folks.

This job had some obvious set-backs. 1. It took a lot out of me. Physically, riding 5-6 hours in the 90-100+ heat and humidity of the Northern Virginia summer was draining. 2. Sure, I didn't have a night-life, girlfriend, or much else to do apparently, but it also took away from my cycling outside of the job. I couldn't train for racing while the stop-and-go heaving of that company bike was going in for most of my days. Simply... 30-40 miles in 5-6 hours is not training. 3. I HATED hills. They were made so much worse with that 30lb+ bike and all of those bags to toss. I had to stop and start both up and down them. Not cool, ya dig? 4. It lost it's fun and novelty after a bit. Sounds like a cool, perfect job for a cyclist, but for a guy that wants to train and race, it kills the legs. 

However, I will say that looking back, there were obvious advantages this job had. 1. Novelty. Sure it waned on me, but it is quite the conversation piece. 2. The pay was actually pretty good. At $11/hr, that was better than my next, retail job for a while. 3. I could escape. My days were long, but they were my days. I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted and I LOVED hills (they made me work hard and suffer as a cyclist). The only things I had to deal with was the map, missing the target on my tosses (especially by only like an inch - having to stop my momentum to turn around to only kick or pick back up and re-toss the little packet), and the pathetic bike my legs pumped away at (and okay... sometimes dehydration, exhaustion, mental and physical burnout, sweat down to my skivvies like I had just jumped in a pool, and the occasional lazy coworker or two). 

Writing this post out makes me think - maybe I should do again it next summer... The time since, working retail, is wearing on me in a number of ways (no pun intended). It actually might be really good for me to taste this kind of summer freedom before I really head back to school full time. I'll put more thought into it and I'll let you know.

I said to myself during the job that no matter how tough the day was, looking back I would rather be out riding and suffering there than be unhappy somewhere else. Indeed there were more bad days than good, but the good always made up for the rest and I appreciated it.

And I must say that holds true on all accounts, friends.

Thanks for reading.

Stability Forth

Plagued by injuries, a treacherous work schedule, and other unpredictable ups and downs, this season off from racing has not always been easy for me to deal with.  I have thought to blog more, but haven't been able to work up the energy until now I suppose. This blog is for my riding and mindset toward racing. Since there hasn't been any of that, I just haven't felt it right to update it.

Anyway, I am foreseeing some stability in my life at least for the next year. Stability in this case will mean that I can look toward racing next year. I will be a Cat4 and I will be hungry. My planning and preparation will begin tonight as I construct my training program.

However, there are a few things I must remind myself and even those around me if I am to commit to this.

1. I will believe in myself, and in all that I do - know that I am doing my personal best mentally and physically.
2. This will not be easy; a commitment to suffering is key.
3. Sacrifices will have to be made.
4. I will become stronger in every way.

I get flashbacks of my first win at Bucknell with my IUP team and how I did it with the help and support of my eager, passionate friends there. I savored the pain, effort, power, and numb elation I felt after crossing that finish line first with my teammate celebrating next to me. I remember my second win at the Bud Harris Cycling Oval in Pittsburgh where I had my very first race two years before. I remember the commanding sprint I won after a friend gave me his all to put me in the right position through the final bend to latch a wheel and overtake with bike lengths to spare. These are two moments among many that I cannot forget and will not let be the only times I will have accomplished goals for my bike and myself.

Tonight, I will construct my training program to take me into next year and the races I hope to show well in. Pulling from the strengths I have developed, the weaknesses I will combat, and the challenges I still hope to face, this program and race schedule will prove to be a real test for me. There is no time to lose and I want this.

Yet I know that I cannot do this without the support of those around me. Though I will be putting myself through a lot to reach what I want, I cannot forget that my life affects others. I will seek a balance in my life on and off the bike with my friends and family, my work and studies, and of course, my beautiful, supportive girlfriend. She is telling me to not hold back and I couldn't agree more.

I am a person with focussed passions. No, I have not always known what I have wanted to be or do with my life, but right now I know that I want to race my bike. Next year will be an opportunity for me and I want to take it.

Thanks for reading.